John Lemon

Hello Everyone, My Name Is John Fucking Lemon. John F. Lemon for short. I sing songs like Lime-magine and Give Peas a Chance. I once belonged to the Beatle Juice where my groupmates were Apple McCartney, George Pearisson and Mango Starr.

A Little While Ago

A while ago, I had this conversation with one of our cats, Max. It was one of the rare moments of my life when our pet would actually respond to my questions. This was how our conversation go.

Me: Hey, what are you doing there?

Max: Meow!

Me: You are lying on the piano! My father’s gonna be mad when he sees you.

Max (with eyes as big as the moon): Meow!

Me: Who cares? You’re cute! Anyway, how’s life?

Max: Meow?

Me: I mean, how are you?

Max: Meow!

Me: Ohh I see. Okay then.

Max: Meow!

Me: Why are you so cute?

Max: Meow.

Me: You don’t have to say it out loud. I understand it pretty well.

Max: Meow. Meow. Meeooow. (jumps from the piano to the ground)

Me: Where are you going?

Max: Meow.

Me: Okay. (I rushed to the door and opened it for him. He went out and I closed the door).

THE END.

There is a big chance that this is fiction, I can understand cats, or I am just simply crazy. Well, for the story itself, it’s a little bit of the three. While majority of that conversation is just a work of my crazy human mind, part of me can understand cats – or simply put, our pet cats only. I know when they need some cuddling, or some space, or they need to go out for some fresh air and to release some things. I love cats, and yes, I am a cat person. And third, I am just simply crazy. I surely had a conversation with our cat a while ago but not that long. Who in the right mind would ask a cat why is he lying on my father’s piano? No on, I suppose. I expected an answer and fortunately he gave a short reply and that was it.

Lesson learned: Nothing. This post is useless. Good night.

Religion vs. Science

So the battle in me continues.

Ever since Science became my specialization, I came to realize that all things are only factual when proved scientifically. I came to realize that all living beings are made up of cells and that living things possess traits that would let us know that they really are living organisms. I've been more mature with my thoughts and I practically do not believe in all superstitions anymore. They're not scientifically proven. For example, they say that one must not pass by a street when he came across with a black cat. It's bad luck they say. But, I say, what's the connection between the two? Is it scientifically proven? Yeah. I'm like that on various things already. Sometimes, I'm already annoyed to myself because of that.

I'm also a devout Catholic. I believe in God, the Father Almighty. I believe in Jesus Christ and all His teachings. I was brought up going to Church on Sundays, believing all which is to be believed, following the commandments of the Church, and siding with the Church always. I celebrate all the Catholic Holidays like Easter Sunday, Christmas Day, and Lent. I read the Bible and try to apply as much as possible all the things I've read. I sin, and I'm sorry for them. I receive Christ's body in the form of the bread every Sunday. I participate in Church activities such as procession and rosaries. I love God with all my heart and soul. I haven't seen Him yet, but, someday, I will.

Now the problem is, what if two of these beliefs of mine collide? Would they clash at each other? Or would they merge into one? I do not know what would happen. Sometimes, things come to my mind, like what if religion is to be scientifically proven? How will it be like? I would instantly erase that from my mind and think of something else. Reality speaking, I don't want to ever think about it. 

I know the Creation of the World found in Genesis is only a theory. The Bible says it so. I do not know the stand of the Church regarding this, but personally, I have doubts regarding its reality. The evolution is also a theory which is very heavy and very close to fact due to its many studies and findings. I personally believe in the theory on evolution. Does this belief let me be excommunicated? I do not know. I've read that the Church's stand on Evolution is not quite clear yet because as I've read, two of them are two different aspects.

Also, if God created the moon, the stars and the sun in one day, how would Faith explain the existence universe and its components (the nebula, the other planets, other galaxies)? It would be so selfish to say that we are the only living beings in the universe. 

How would Science explain the many apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary. I personally believe in the many apparitions of Mary. It's very extraordinary and one of the many reasons why I became Catholic. Science would be so hard up explaining about it. 

There are so many things still bugging my mind regarding the two aspects of my life. I don't meddle with them as much as possible and continue with my life as it is. I will continue believing that God created everything though I know for a fact that Evolution existed. What we see now are products of earlier evolution. It would be denying myself, but, what can I do? I can't be an atheist. I believe in God.

"Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."

-Albert Einstein

I do not know how truthful this quote is by Einstein, but I personally believe in that saying. They go on together. They merge together. They shape our tomorrow. While both of them have mysteries yet to be unraveled in the future, I am sure that everything will be perfect.

And ohh, atheists and scientists would be asking to me the question I'm asking to some people who do superstitious beliefs, I would say this line from the Bible: 

 Jesus said to him,"Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen, and have believed."

- John 20:29

(I don't really know where to stand, do I?)

I am Visionary

I am visionary. I am more of a dreamer. I am more of a wisher. I am visionary.

But, indeed, I am just a visionary. I am a failure. I suck at many things. I feel like regretting in my things always. Why did I do this? Why did I not do that? Why was a so stubborn? Why am I just a visionary?

You know what’s hard? It’s when someone’s expecting a lot from you and all you can do is cry inside yourself because you can’t meet their expectations. It’s hard to push everything through and through albeit I know deep inside that I have to risk everything already. If only no one was really expecting a lot of things from me, perhaps, I would just be an ordinary student walking along the corridors of the school. I would have chosen what I need to do. No one pushing me to be in front of others (At eighteen, I still have stage fright). No one pushing me to play the piano at school for mass even though I was really not born to play it. No one pushing me to be an honor student and take all the risks albeit I am hard up to even memorize the body parts.

How? Regrets… I have many.

But come to think of it. Without any of those, I would not have been going on places. My talents and skills might not have been developed. I might be so dumb right now. I believe in what a nun told me before: Without challenges, without taking risks, without all hardships in life, life would be incomplete. It would be so hard to say you’ve succeeded if you worked laxly. I kind of agree to it.

But sometimes, I don’t want to challenge myself. I am ashamed of taking risks. I am afraid that everyone would laugh at me. Yes. I am just visionary.

What now?

Since it’s here, I have to be strong and be resilient already. It’s time for me to stand on my feet. I’m a visionary, but I have to keep those visions true already. I need to face the giants. I need to stand on them. I know God is with me. Like I always pray and sing to Him everytime, “In God alone, my hope is found. He is my light, my song.”

Bookworm Adventures

I am not a good writer. I am a terrible one. My thoughts put into words don’t even make sense at all. I am superficial and shallow, narrow-minded and trivial. Yeah, I searched the synonyms of these words to make them DEEP. Hahaha. I have to confess, I am poor in vocabulary. If you have read my whole blog, you would have only read the word, “albeit,” once [that makes it two]. I keep forgetting the meaning of that term albeit [that makes it three] I’ve been hearing that that from highfaluting people. Funny ‘cause what stays in my mind is, “I’ll bet,” so yeah.

Some Random Thoughts for Today.

I have mustered to my mind some thoughts. Today was a boring day but I have in mind these thoughts which were lingering for about days already. They are different thoughts, probably no connection to each other. Most, if not all, are serious random thoughts, not those silly ones.

#thatawkwardmoment when I'm turning 18. (part 2)

This was the saddest birthday of my life.  Ohh wait, it was not like my birthday.

It was the worst birthday I've ever had. All day, my heart was depressed. Poor heart of mine. I want to cry with it but I simply can't. There are plenty reasons why he bothered to be depressed like that. There are so many stress, so many moments, so many people trying to destroy my day. I was not even given a birthday treatment. No gift, no treats, no blowouts, no money. How could I even celebrate a birthday without any of these?

I'm overreacting just because of this. Sad 18. I started my year weak. How much more for the coming years to come? I don't know. It's killing me.

Hoping that today's wound will be healed tomorrow.

I am the most handsome.

I am the most handsome. Many girls follow me though I already have my one and only. She will be the most pretty. She will be the most lovely. Many guys follow her though she already has her one and only.

I am the most handsome. I look at myself in the mirror and say to myself that I’m even more handsome than Brad Pitt. I pity the other stars because they are not as handsome as me. They have no match for me.

I am the most handsome. I have the face which many adores. It’s clear. It’s perfect. It’s godly. Many have bullet seeds with them but I have none. Many have craters, but I don’t have. Mine is perfect.

I am the most handsome. When I am alone. When I am dreaming. When I am asleep. When I am in my world where I make the rules. Those are the exact opposite of what really is happening. I am not handsome. I am ugly. I have bullet seeds. I have sludge machines. I am not perfect. I am the least in line. I long for something which is impossible for me to have.

I am the most handsome. But, I’m lying.

Forever Alone.

I'm not handsome. Nobody likes me.

Dysphoria.

It's been 17 years and I'm still dead alone. FOREVER ALONE? I can't even write the most depressing lines anymore. I live alone. No one to linger to. No one to talk to when I'm depressed. Yeah. I admit. I'm freaking hideous in every point. I can't even say any figurative speech. It's damn pointless. If only the word love did not exist in the first place.

Waltzing Around

Her hands were on my shoulders, mine on her waist. We were dancing under the pale moonlight. Her smile sparkled in the deep dark night full of fireflies. The crickets accompanied us through their melodies and harmonies.  We waltzed around thinking of nothing but her and me. The night grew colder and deeper. We never stopped. The clouds took us away to the sky. She dazzled more. She was very beautiful. I could kiss her that moment already, but I still couldn’t. Her hands and my hands clasped together. The songs of the insects were still lovely and urged us to the dance more. As she twirled, her purple gown twirled also. She was perfect. It was now or never, I thought. My lips were ready to approach hers. She smiled as she moved closer to me. Then and there, her lips met mine for the first time. I closed my eyes in love. But when I opened my eyes, she's gone. She was just a pigment of my imagination. How could she be just a pigment of my imagination? She’s so perfect! She’s so beautiful! Wait, who is she? I can’t remember her face, her smile, her touch, for she’s just nothing but fantasy. But, when will the time come when we will dance in this place called reality?