Today, I am celebrating the First Year Anniversary of my Blog. It's such an amazing thing to have something alive and kicking after a year has passed. Looking back one year ago, it was midnight and drizzling, and I was really bored. A bright idea came to mind and this blog came to life! It has come a very long way already, I suppose. I never knew I could ever reach this far because I am a man who would always start something but never finish them.
Now what would happen for the next few years? All I know is that, with the emergence of my two other blogs, Lemons and Lemonades, and A Drooping Poet, this blog would have lesser posts, but rest assured, it would still be updated. Like what I said in my first post, a little patience and a little crisp of the mind will go a long way.
BLOGCEPTION. The present look of my blog. (Click photo to enlarge)
So I took a personality disorder test here. After answering YES and NO to a very long list of questions, I have arrived to my personality disorders. I was completely shocked with the result.
I'm a paranoid and an avoidant. I'm dependent and schizotypal. I'm somewhat obsessive-compulsive and schizoid and not the others. I was shocked when I read more on the information of those with very high ratings.
on being paranoid (taken from the site):
Honestly, that may be an exaggeration. I may not trust most people in this world that much, but I don't completely distrust them to the the point of having suspicions constantly whether or not they are dependable or not. I certainly do not have excessive trust in my own knowledge and abilities, I often doubt my abilities you know. And that part of avoiding close relationships. I'm not avoiding, I'm not just really into social groups that much. A close group with few friends would be great for me already. Okay, the succeeding sentences are not true already. I'm not that paranoid! I may have just misunderstood some of the questions. I'm re-taking this test.
on being schizotypal (also taken from the site):
Okay I am like this. I avoid social situations (I am a homebody and I would often stay at home though there are many gatherings and parties out there. That is probably why I only have a few friends, and trusts fewer of them. I have this fear of getting rejected especially when we talk about love matters (This may be the reason why I haven't courted a girl yet. I'm afraid of getting rejected. I always ask myself this, "What if she doesn't like me because I'm not handsome?" or, "What if I cannot give her everything and dump me?"). And yeah, I really do create a fantasy world where I rule everything, have all the things I want, and do the things I want. Plus I get to choose my girlfriend is. The last two sentences really struck me most. I do yearn for social relations, but somehow, I just can't have. I'm already 18, and having groups of friends whom I would get along with would be impossible. This is a province. I'm often depressed for many reasons and I know I have low self-confidence. I always had. Though in College, I have to muster enough Courage a bit to face the crowd.
So there goes my personality disorder. I am surely an avoidant. Sucks to be me.
So I made a blog where I would post a lot of my poems. It's entitled A Drooping Poet. Now why such a name? I really have no idea. I just thought of a random word and mixed it with the word poet. This is my pilot post:
I drool a lot, I spit on streets
I carry a cat which often greets
I’m homeless, I’m timeless, I’ve earned my degree
now wait till i write, you’ll wait and see.
I’m a drooping poet, I cave in a lot
I’m weak from exhaustion but you know what I’ve got?
I can write, I can sing, I can do most anything.
I open my eyes.
I’m done dreaming.
So you won't be seeing any poems to be posted in this blog in the future.
I often ask myself why do I win various writing contests where in fact I know to myself that I am not a good writer. I ask myself, how did I become the Associate Editor of our school paper where in fact I know that my subordinates are better than me. Honestly, I suck at writing. I always idolized many people when they write. I would curse them for writing brilliantly and out of my most frivolous thought, I would dare steal their imaginative minds and replace mine with them, or mix their brains and stick in my head. I just get jealous when I read great blogs and essays. How I wished I could write like them. Just reading them could take me far away, far from this chair that I am sitting at right now. They write so intricately, it's as if I have witnessed or I have seen the event or the thing they are describing. I myself cannot do that. I could mumble up some words and put them together, but the outcome would be so gross. So yeah, that's it. I don't know if I ever improve, but if I will, suck it losers! that would be great! Like yeah, whatever.
P.S. I don't know why but while writing this post, the single of Jessica Sanchez entitled, Change Nothing is playing in my head.
The whole world was watching. Many were nervous, including me, when they gave Ryan Seacrest, the host of the show, the card where the 11th winner of the hit TV series, American Idol, was placed. He announced it, and there we have, Phillip Phillips. I was shocked, but not totally, knowing that for the past few years, the winners were just like him, White Guys With Guitar (as the internet would call them) or WGWG.
BTW, I live in the Philippines so in no way I can vote for anyone in this singing competition. All I could do is watch them perform on TV, critic them in my own way, and wait for the results every Friday. This has been my trend since I started watching Idol during its seventh season. Ever since, I've been hooked up with this show and I would watch every year. I tried voting, but I know it would not be counted.
So it came to this finale where a diva and a guitarist would face to face in the finale, Jessica Sanchez, a 16-year old student from Chula Vista, San Diego, and Phillip Phillips, a 21-year old guy from Georgia. Both are talented singers, but I have been rooting for Jessica Sanchez since the beginning not because she's part Filipino, but because her singing prowess amazes me.
I was amazed by her when she sang Whitney's, "I Will always Love You," but I really began rooting for her when she sang, "Everybody Has a Dream," by Billy Joel. It was her greatest performance for me. Week per week, she became very consistent in giving us world class performances. She was supposed to be eliminated during the TOP 7 week but was saved by the judges. I can't find any reason why she had the lowest votes during that week where in fact, she was one of the best then.
And her competition was Phillip Phillips who was consistently using his guitar in almost every performance he had. Like any other past winners, he was never in the bottom three, though in some weeks, he deserved to be. I became a fan of him when he sang the song, "Volcano." Aside from that, he's just another guy playing guitar and singing bland songs. Another performance of his which was absolutely great was, "Beggin." I thought that was his best performance yet.
Phillips and Sanchez: the Top Two
When Joshua Ledet, the great Gospel singer was eliminated, I thought in my mind that Jessica would win everything, but I predicted too soon. When I watched yesterday's performances, I thought she was in very big trouble.
The songs of the first round was given by Simon Fuller, the creator of the show. Her first song was, "I Have Nothing," by Whitney Houston. She sounded perfectly well, and there's no doubt in that. Phillip's "Stand by Me," had girls screaming for more. Round one for me went to Jessica hands down.
The songs of the second round would be their best performances of the whole season. Jessica's song was, "The Prayer," by Celine Dion and Andrea Boccelli, the song that let her to the Top 24. She did it very well that I had goosebumps all over me. It was just perfect. Phillips favorite was, "Moving Out," by Billy Joel, the song he sang during the Billy Joel week. I thought he did well, but I liked it better when he first sang it. Round Two was given to Jessica again although the judges had mixed reactions.
Round Three would be their potential singles if they won. This was the round where Jessica fell, in my opinion. She was given a song entitled, "Change Nothing," that doesn't match with her voice or her singing style, the tune was common and not that good, and the production was very simple. She did great vocally anyway. Phillip's song, "Home," was much much better in tune, in lyrics, in the production, though the voice was just mediocre. I started liking this song so much because it reminds me of Mumford and Sons. The judges gave him a standing ovation. I agree with them, this round went to Phillip.
Two is to one, Jessica might have won, but that was not the case. I've read many sites that says, Phillip's last song pulled many votes to him. That might be the reason why. Another reason was that, they do not want another race to win. In my opinion, this is not merely the case. I do not know the actual reason behind that. I was checking on DialIdol.com every now and then to check who was leading and Phillip was leading all the way. I had to respect their decision because they can vote, I can't. I'm not even an American.
We have a winner, our American Idol Season 11 is Phillip Phillips. He made a record to be the 5th consecutive guitar-playing guy on the show. Jessica, on the other hand, made history to be the youngest runner up ever, the first Asian-Mexican ever, and many more firsts.
Speaking of the fact that I'm not even American, we all know that Jessica Sanchez has mixed race: Filipino-Mexican-American. Here in the Philippines, we give our whole out support to her. Based from the News I've heard last night, in Bataan, her mother's home province, they threw parties and had a fiesta and even had a Jessica Sanchez day. All have been crazy over Jessica Sanchez, win or lose.
Right now, all I can think off is Jessica's future. I know she'll make it big. She'll have a huge career ahead of her. Based on what I've read, Tommy Mottola, the producer behind Jennifer Lopez and Mariah Carey already had plans for Jessica's CD and the songwriters of Rihanna and Beyonce are reportedly starting on the album. I can't wait for that one.
I can't wait for the 12th season. I've heard it's gonna be big and there's gonna be a lot of changes happening. We'll see.
Wait, did I mention to you that Jennifer Holliday and Jessica Sanchez had the best performance of the night and of the whole show?!
And so I made an English translation of that song from the Korean show, "You're Beautiful." Let me tell you, I don't speak Korean, and I just based these from all the literal English Translations I've read.
To tell you the truth, the lyrics, now translated into the way I wanted, is something relateable to me now. There's this connection to this song which is quite surprising because I don't know how. I just feel connected to the lyrics now that I've read it carefully. Maybe because of my situation right now. Perhaps.
What Should I Do?
i can't let you go
to send you away is hard to do
for every step
that you pave away my tears would fall for you
you're going away, ohh so far away
ohh girl just stay by my side
cause without you i cannot live no more, and i'll be alone
what should i do? what should i do?
now that you are going away
what should i do? what should i do?
now my life would turn to gray
girl i love you, yes i love you
even if i scream that you'd stay
you would never hear my call
cause these things i just cannot bravely say
i try to move on
but i would still remember you
with all those good byes
ohh yes i know it's hard to forget you
you're going away, ohh so far away
ohh girl just stay by my side
cause without you i cannot live no more, and i'll be alone
I should have blogged this last midnight night (okay, 12:35 AM to be exact) if it weren't for the internet connection. Anyways, I had a pretty good sound trip of all the old songs I had on my player. And while these songs were played, I had this sudden feeling. I do not know what this is called, or why did this happen. It just did.
This day settles everything. I'm officially a Third Year Student -- well not yet that official since I haven't enrolled yet, but I've officially finished all my Second Year subjects.
So, how was this school year for me?
Well, it was less exciting as compared when I was a Freshman. I had lots of things to do since I belonged to many organizations: The Paulinian, the official publication of the school, Coordinating Board of Students, the student council of the school, Campus Ministry Board of Students, where I was in the Music Ministry, among others. I had to sleep late to finish editing the layout of the school paper, finish the minutes of the meeting, and edit pictures. I had to attend meetings, face people, and act as the leader always. I had to pretend I know all the musical instruments because they had no one to count on to. I had to go on lots of contests and fortunately, I won on majority of them. And that is still under my curricular activities.
Then unto Academics. It was pretty harder than I thought since we already had our major field of specializations this school year. For me, it was Biology. I had fun dealing with the subject I loved but since memorizing was my waterloo, I had a hard time in doing so especially since there are many terms which needs memorization. I had to sleep late drawing the parts of the human body, researching about lichens and stuff, discovering if we could culture carrots or not. I also experienced one of the most embarrassing moments of my life where my shoe was stuck in mud where I tried picking water lilies. It was also my first time holding and dissecting a frog which caused my life so much because I always had fear of frogs. They're gross and creepy. I also dissected a feline together with my groupmates, which was less creepier than the frog. It was really hard for me especially my other classmate who was having regrets of taking such major. In one way, I wish that I just took Math instead of Biology, but since I've started it, let me finish this. And fortunate enough, I still reached the honors, finishing at third spot with an average of 92.38 (excluding the recently concluded Summer Classes).
We lost many from our batch this year alone. From the original 15, now, we're left at 10. Three left for another school, one left for an unknown reason, another one left for a very confidential reason. I'm not into speaking terms with one of my classmates this year -- on and off but now, it's off. The reason is on one of my posts, just guess what that is. But overall, this year was a blast for us. We still are a strong group amid those things.
What else did I miss? Ohh yes. Don't ask me about my lovelife. For the whole year, it was off. The last time my heart beat was when I was first year. This May, it started beating for someone again. And yeah, like any other, for sure this one is going nowhere again. I just can't let it be.
And that settles everything. Goodbye Sophomore Life. Here we go, Junior life. I wonder what awaits me out there.
Do you know the feeling of being so useless after giving your all to it? I do. And my, when I tell you, it hurts. I've worked hard for a favor someone asked me. At first I tried to say no to it but since that person forced me to, I said yes. I spent a lot of time conceptualizing on what to put, what the design is, and how will it look like. I tried to think of very catchy designs, the ones where you instantly get caught with. I've made many samples, all to find out, they were not going to use mine. They have already had another one to make a design without even notifying me. If I have known earlier, then I might have made other things. It was stupid. I know those people who were assigned are more legit than I am but, all my hard work became so useless. If it's a competition, I'll accept it, but it isn't. Why did they choose me in the first place if I was to be replaced without any notifications?
Hush. Just forget about it. Forgive and forget. I'll have plenty more experiences in the future. Right now, I'll have to review. It's our finals tomorrow.
I have actually one project named, "Squeezing Fearless Lemons." In this project, all my music are entirely made by FL Studio. I tried my luck in making techno music using that program. My first song under that project is entitled, "Angel by My Side." Now my second song is entitled Right Here. It is still bland and lacks a lot of producing because I'm still on the process of discovering this program. I'll recreate this later when I have time and I have discovered the ins and outs of the FL Studio.
Right Here
when i met you, i was starstruck
who are you? in you my eyes were stuck
my heart's beating, i can hear it loud
i want to know you now, ohhh
i went near you, you were smiling
it seemed that you were waiting
yeah i know it's love at first sight
girl i want you tonight, ohh
the beat will guide us now the crowd is going wild
with you by my side, i know we'll be alright
you will be mine tonight, ohh girl don't get frightened
let's dance till we will drop let us not stop
let's move and let us sway please don't go away
i won't let go-o-o let's do this slow-o-ow
let's dance till we will drop let us not stop
there's this feeling that i want you
that i'll never want to let you go
girl are you the right one for me?
let's just wait and see, ohh
the beat will guide us now the crowd is going wild
with you by my side, i know we'll be alright
you will be mine tonight, ohh girl don't get frightened
let's dance till we will drop let us not stop
let's move and let us sway please don't go away
i won't let go-o-o let's do this slow-o-ow
let's dance till we will drop let us not stop
the beat will guide us now the crowd is going wild
with you by my side, i know we'll be alright
you will be mine tonight, ohh girl don't get frightened
cause i'll be right here for you
Here is the accompaniment of the song. Once again, sorry for the very bland and awful sound you're about to hear.
Try to calm down a little bit,
the world is such a small place for that.
don't let anger control your life
don't let conceit rule you.
Try to keep it down a little bit.
It's not always the everyone's fault
try looking at yourself in the mirror
and try helping her fix that problem.
We can't help you, it would be hard
you don't even talk to me that much anymore
I don't know what I did, but you're mad at me
you won't even talk to me.
Maybe you're just to hot tempered.
You easily get angry, I know, we know.
You'll lose friends if you continue that
Try to calm down a little bit.
Try to keep it down a little bit.
Wash away that mascara, and smile
that red on your eyes frightens everyone
frowning won't solve your problems.
But smiling will.
It's May 13, 2012, exactly one year since my laptop,Sam Sung, and I first met. And it's been a wild ride. Sam Sung is the name of my laptop (basically because it's a Samsung laptop, okay, it's corny, whatever). I used it almost everyday with almost everything I do. I watch movies, I listen to music, I surf the internet, I make requirements, and do just about anything with it. It's one year of total life changing experience. I almost take it wherever I go. Though it's heavy, I'm so proud of having it. I would like to thank those who gave this to me. It means a lot to me. I love it and hope it'll be with me while it lasts.
Anyways, I'm Mark Francis Astom, my friends call me Mark or Francis, or Bon, or Penguin (and the least goes on and on). I call myself John F. Lemon. I sometimes call myself Maaku Furanshisu. Other times, when I'm at my most high, I call myself the King of the world.
Now, how did this king think of writing this blog?
It was May 30, 2012. It was midnight and I was still awake. I can't sleep that night and it was drizzling and so I thought, why not make a blog! I was reading two blogs before, one from a reporter, and another one from a musician. I was so inspired by them that I had to make mine. And there I was, 30th of May 2012 writing about all the random things I could think of that night.
After brainstorming of the me and my three alter egos, I have come up with my name, "Among my Frivolous Thoughts," after Owl City's song Angels. I had basically three themes for my posts: Euphoria (extreme happiness) for my happy thoughts of the day, Dysphoria (extreme sadness) for my sad and grievous thlughts of the day, and Whatever for all the random thoughts I have.
I post everything here, from my experiences to just plain nonsense. I also post songs here, poems, photographs and other creative thoughts of John F. Lemon. I also post about the chemical reaction that stirs the heart of Maaku Furanshisu. I post about where I go, all the awards I received, movie reviews, music reviews, games I've played, and many other more!
I have some series regulars here and I post them whenever I want to. These would include: Dear God, Love is..., When I Die, Year Enders, and that's all.
I have failed You again God.I have failed myself again.
I did my very best for this test because I know it was very difficult, but it
was still not enough. I read my reviewer twice and understood them but I didn’t
still have the right amount of knowledge to easily ace the test. When I reran
my reviewer once again, I did not find any of the things that came out of the
test. However, some of my other classmates have seen them. What did I lack
today God? I did the best I could, figuring out to the best that I could,
guessing the right answers, looking for the correct one. I’m such a fool. What
if I tripled my effort, would I have easily taken the test without any sweat? I
am sorry God. I failed. But please still help me make that cut-off grade. I
don’t want to disappoint the people around me. I don’t want to disappoint my
parents who are always there supporting me. If they were not around, I could
have been lax, but I can’t. Teachers, my parents, and many people around me
expect a lot from me and I have a lot of burden to do so I could prove them
right. I need this grade, God. I know it is still midterms but it already
causes a lot of changes in the finals. I did my best God. I know You will do
the rest. We can do it God. In You alone my Hope is Found.
