The Joys and Pains of One Man

And for my 90^th post, I’ll write a joyful one. Well, probably not.

I had a crush which may call Gaudete(It’s funny because yesterday was Gaudete Sunday – the Third Sunday of Advent). I stopped crushing on her for some reasons which I don’t even know. But, I tell you, she’s not the most beautiful girl in the world. She don’t have the most perfect hair, nor sense of fashion, but, I fell in love with her because of her simplicity and her nice personality.

I can still remember the moment when she became my crush.

I was in this group when I was in Grade 6. We were a bunch of weirdoes planning for Christmas parties and stuff for the school. Well, not much of weirdoes because we were all class officers at that. It was one hot afternoon when we got tired planning for that silly half-day event that one of my friends decided that we will play a game. In my mind, I thought of games where we would run and hide, or fight with pillows, or dance to the beat of the music. But it was not. She closed the lights and the room was dim. She assembled us all to form a circle. Wait, it’s not what it’s supposed to be. Well, it is. We were to play the classic game, “Truth or Dare.” Believe me, it was my first time playing that game then.

Her name, music to my ears.

And so we all sat down. It was a fresh start. I had all the laughs and jeers until the bottle pointed straight to me. Well, I was shocked for a moment. Why me? I thought myself. Well, Obviously, I can never escape the wrath of that bottle because I was part of the game, of course. If you ask if I chose truth or dare, I would always answer TRUTH, up to now. I never ever answered DARE yet, and never will I. *evil laugh* So, my classmate asked me that question that changed my life forever, “Who is your crush?”

I was silent for a moment. I don’t know who to answer. The truth is, I never had a crush that time yet. In my mind, all I was thinking of are games, and food, and games, and school… and games. I thought very deep for an answer, but when I wanted to give up, they tried to punish me by squeezing both of my hands. That hurts, you know! Haha. I thought very, very deep. Who is the most beautiful girl in our batch? Hmmm? Wait, I’ll just say, “Gaudete!” I answered. All of them smiled at me. I swear to God that I had no feelings for her that day, but I just said it.

The next questions just got worse.

For grade 6 pupils, those questions were really out of the box. They would ask, “if she was a thing in your bedroom, what would it be?” Others would answer pillow, or blanket, or whatever. I can’t remember my answer already. Hah. Hah. It’s more than 5 years ago!

Well, after that day, I grew to admire Gaudete. I would look at her in the eyes and I my day would be complete. I don’t know why, but her simple smile and her beautiful face would already blow me away. I had been like these when I graduated grade school until now.

When I was in high school, my admiration for her grew. It even went to the point of asking her best friend a picture of Gaudete. Luckily, she gave me one. I still have her picture with me now. She’s no Scarlett Johansson or Megan Fox. She ain’t no Taylor Swift or Dianna Agron. She’s simply, Gaudete!

I wanted to court her before, but, since I was too young to do it, I know I wasn’t prepared yet, so I did not. I am not also sure if she would like me because considering my look, I’m not a boyfriend material. Considering her look, she looks like one girl who would concentrate only with her studies and she’s a noob when it comes to this crazy little thing called love. I often stare at her and give her that smile – when she’s not looking. Yeah.

I thought that I was right with her, but I was actually wrong.

Two years ago, she fell in love, not with me. The guy? He was an anime and a computer addict – just like her. They were compatible, I suppose. When they talk, man, it’s as if they’re in a different dimension. They’re compatible. I was crushed. Forever alone LVL 200.

They’re not dating now, because they broke up already. But, she’s still beautiful, and very simple like when the day I first saw her. Yeah. She’s far away. She’s not even my crush anymore, but I would never forget her – my first crush. I don’t have feelings for her already, but, when I still look at her pictures (especially her senior prom pic), I am still mesmerized by her, and she would still leave me smiling to the bottom of my hypothalamus. Haha. You don’t say, for five years, she was my crush (grade six – fourth year), who would forget someone like that.

Wait, five years? Haha. It’s only now that I’ve realized, I’m such a pretty dumb martyr! Haha. Did I die everyday while watching her smile, or laugh, or talk to me? Did I die when she began dating him? I became a martyr. Haha. But, well, forget about it, I was childish then, I never really knew anything when it comes to this chemical reaction that continually stirs my heart.

I know it’s a pretty childish topic to write about, but hey, don’t mind me, it’s a random thought of one random guy.

FUN FACT: Her name became my password for all my accounts back then (yahoo, Friendster, Facebook, yahoo messenger, etcetera, etcetera).