Back to December

I always hated this song. I don't know why, but I never really had this liking for this Taylor Swift song. While it is true that I am a fan of Taylor Swift, this song was never in my playlist. When it's going to be played anywhere, I would either change the song, the channel, or go somewhere wherein this music would not be played. Maybe because I was not used to listening Taylor Swift that way or maybe because it was not December when it was released as a single.

But when I got the chance to read the lyrics of the song, I grew to like it to the point that I started singing it almost always. What struck me most first was the chorus which says:

This is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night and I go back to December all the time.

                                                                          

Okay, I was struck by it to the point that I remembered someone I almost had way back December 2010. It was love-at-first-sight. She has been my seatmate before, but that night, she was magical, so out of this world. I fell in love with her that night. I can still remember her dark green dress, her braces gleaming as she smiled at me from afar, her contact lenses flashing before my eyes. I wanted to dance with her but I can't. I can't get close to her. She was so perfect. I became more nervous now that I felt something different from her. The reason is I really am scared of being beside her already, now that I fell in love with her. We communicated through text though. 

She almost became my first girlfriend.

No one knew that I was about to court her so I told my closest friend back then, hoping to support me – but she didn’t. She loathed that girl. I told another friend of mine. She also loathed her. They let me chose if I would choose her or my friends. It was one of the toughest decisions of my life. I thought of it hard. They told me that she was drinking alcohol, and goes to the club every night – a major turn off for me. They also told me that she had a massive number of boyfriends. If we were to be together, I may just be one of those boys were in relationship with her. None of them lasted a long time, they said. Why didn’t I know of these before I told her that I loved her?

I asked her if these things were true – that she was drinking and going to the clubs every night. She said she was but she would gladly change for me if we were together already. That was something to be thought of, I thought.

I was weak. I was feeble. I never knew how to fight. I conceded fast. I told her that I could not love her. I chose my friends much more than her. She cried in disbelief. Why did she cry? She already had feelings for me too. Those moments when I talked to her sweetly before I told my closest friends about her? I never knew she also had feelings for me. Yeah. That was December.

For many days, I tried to mend these broken pieces together. I never wanted someone to be mad at me as Christmas was approaching. My friends were happy because our relationship did not push through. However, she was crying because I let her believe that we will be together. It took me days before she finally befriended me.

And that Christmas became okay for us.

That thing did not end that night.

We still have communication now. Though I think she might have forgotten it already, I still cannot forget that moment. January 2011 was the last month when we last saw each other. I finished second semester without her by my side – seatmate, duh! She stopped studying apparently because of some family problems. I never saw her since.

What shocked me lately was lately, she confessed something to me. She is pregnant. I was not surprised for all honesty. After all those things my friends have told me, I know that she had attitude. Thank God she was not my first girlfriend. As she told me, she left her home one night because of a family problem. I do not know where she stayed after escaping home. Then, one night, she got drunk, really drunk that she never knew what happened next. Next thing she knew, she got a baby inside of her.

I know, months have passed. Lately, I’ve heard this song by Taylor Swift, and all of her being came rushing in front of me – not physically, but in my mind. As the lines of the songs continue, I started thinking of her. It has been a year. Do I still love her?

Shit.

I look at her pictures on facebook. I knew her background, but she’s still beautiful like that night I fell in love with her. I see some look-a-likes of her, I still got this feeling of her.

Fuck.

I still love her. Why?

Forget about it. Fucking forget about it.

All I want to do now to her is to sing that song, turn back, and move on.

I'll go back to December turn around and make it all right.

I'll go back to December all the time.

Guess what? I like singing this song already. I downloaded the song from Youtube, got the lyrics and started playing with my guitar. I also made a mash-up of it with other songs (I’ll be posting this mash-up some other time).

Hell yeah. Why did I post this? It’s my 100^th post. I wanted to make it special for she became one hell of a part of my life already.

I hope I can forget her already.