But, indeed, I am just a
visionary. I am a failure. I suck at many things. I feel like regretting in my
things always. Why did I do this? Why did I not do that? Why was a so stubborn?
Why am I just a visionary?
You know what’s hard? It’s when someone’s expecting a lot from you and
all you can do is cry inside yourself because you can’t meet their
expectations. It’s hard to push everything through and through albeit I know
deep inside that I have to risk everything already. If only no one was really
expecting a lot of things from me, perhaps, I would just be an ordinary student
walking along the corridors of the school. I would have chosen what I need to
do. No one pushing me to be in front of others (At eighteen, I still have stage
fright). No one pushing me to play the piano at school for mass even though I
was really not born to play it. No one pushing me to be an honor student and
take all the risks albeit I am hard up to even memorize the body parts.
How? Regrets… I have many.
But come to think of it. Without any of those, I would not have been
going on places. My talents and skills might not have been developed. I might
be so dumb right now. I believe in what a nun told me before: Without
challenges, without taking risks, without all hardships in life, life would be
incomplete. It would be so hard to say you’ve succeeded if you worked laxly. I
kind of agree to it.
But sometimes, I don’t want to challenge myself. I am ashamed of taking
risks. I am afraid that everyone would laugh at me. Yes. I am just visionary.
What now?
Since it’s here, I have to be strong and be resilient already. It’s
time for me to stand on my feet. I’m a visionary, but I have to keep those
visions true already. I need to face the giants. I need to stand on them. I
know God is with me. Like I always pray and sing to Him everytime, “In God
alone, my hope is found. He is my light, my song.”
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