5 Months of Frivolous Thoughts

It's official. I am blogging for 5 months already. Time flew so fast. I mean really. I can remember the first night that I blogged. It was raining and all I was thinking of was about blogging only. MY clumsy fingers were ready to write about anything, and now, I am on my 73th post. Imagine that. I can still remember those times when I had no internet connection but these thoughts of mine are already bursting. So, I grab a NotePad or a Microsoft Word and I would write what I had in mind: from happy thoughts, sad thoughts, or just plain random thoughts. I would never mind if I had grammatically wrong statements. I would never mind if no one reads this blogs of mine. After all, the primary reason of making my blog is so that I can express myself the way which I can't express when talking. I mean, who would like to listen to nonsense thoughts about life? Who would like to listen about Silence? Who would like to listen about Reasons? No one, I should say. Unless they are non-living organisms. The second reason why I blogged is that, like what I said in my first post, I was inspired by two bloggers, a news reporter and a singer. The news reporter posts about anything that happens in his life -- work, love, anything -- but doesn't blog that much anymore (his last post was actually, April), and the singer posts very professional. So, I fused those two together, and alas! My blog is born. 

I can see, most of my posts are actually serious, which is going away from my title, Frivolous Thoughts. Yes, I'm a serious guy. Though I often laugh at superficial things, I still am very serious when it comes to matter regarding the world in my viewpoint. Though I try to deviate away from seriousness, it just keeps going back to me. Well, let's just face the fact that not all the time, I am happy and I would write about any frivolous thoughts. But hey, these are just some of my frivolous thoughts.

As of now, I have two segments in my blog: Dear God, and Love is. Dear God is all about my conversations with God. And Love is all about my thoughts about love.

I am already reviewing shows and movies I have watched so far. Looking back at those things, I conclude that I am not a good reviewer, and that I really don't know how to review. So, this might be a good place to hasten up my reviewing skills.

I am also posting some of the songs, poems and stories I write. Yeah. Most are nonsense. But, hey, it's my blog anyway. No messing around by other people.

Just a background. I got the line, "Among my Frivolous Thoughts," from Owl City's song, "Angels," from his fourth album, "All Things Bright and Beautiful." I got Euphoria from Enrique Iglesias' album, and Dysphoria from the dictionary which is actually the antonym of Euphoria. Whatever? Okay. You get what I mean.

Yeah. Still more to come. :D

Dear God

So I learned about the news. Maybe it's too late to post this here but I know I've already said this to You many times when I talk to You at night. I made it God! We made it. I got the grade that I was longing for. I got positive news all over my head, and now, all I'm thinking of is how to thank You Lord for this thing. I am in a state called Euphoria. God, I really really love You. 

Now a bigger challenge is ahead of me, God. I need this thing to be perfect. We can do this together God. In You alone my Hope is Found. You are my light, my strength, my song. I love You God.

Are You Lonesome Tonight

I have always been a fan of old music. I have always idolized those of Frank Sinatra, Beatles, Simon and Garfunkel, and Dolly Parton. There is something in their voices which many modern artists lack. It’s more of emotionally singing from deep inside their hearts that makes me fall in love with their voices. It’s the emotion of the song that makes me listen to them more. Of course I also am a fan of some modern artists (especially to Owl City and Coldplay), but there is still something different from those of the oldies.

I appreciate the people who cover the old songs but they give justice to it. Michael Buble is one. He covers many old songs but he never changes the genre. He sticks to the old ones. I have recently watched the show, The Glee Project and many of them cover songs and give rightful justice to the songs they cover. One song which I really idolized is the song Are You Lonesome Tonight sung by many artists like Frank Sinatra but in the show, was sung by Damian McGinty. He really sang it very well and good. For that short span of time, you can really feel his emotions running deep. Another song is Baby, It’s Cold Outside sung by many artists including Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Jordan, but sung in the competition by Cameron Mitchell and Lindsay Pearce. The song was very witty and happy, and they did not destroy it. They performed it well that the one minute span allotted for them was not enough for me. I crave for the whole song to be sung from them. There are also many songs from the competition which they gave justice. There are also many singers who perform these smash hits that I give them 5 stars for a job well done. Yes. Old music is not dead.

While there are people who try their best to keep this music perfect, there are some singers who destroy the perfect songs from the past. I don’t know why they do it, maybe for popularity? In the music section of the show business, some singers cover songs but they completely destroy the song, but still, people dig it. I don’t know why. Some would say that these covers are better than the original. WHAT?! I know. How did they destroy it? They put some inappropriate beats and runs, they sing over, and etcetera.

I know, I listen to Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Bruno Mars and the like, but I tell you, no one can deny the fact that Andy Williams, John Lennon, Frank Sinatra, and the like are mesmerizing and will live on forever! Cheers to the Music Industry.

And ohh, for my love of oldies, and Cameron Mitchell's influence, I'm learning to play Black Bird by Beatles now! :D

Vulnerability

I just watched an episode of the Glee Project. It's entitled Vulnerability and its purpose is to bring out to the world what is vulnerable to the contestants and they need to wear it proudly. 

I have been a fan of the show since I first saw it on TV, and favorites developed. Two girls and two guys became my favorites on the show, although all of them were damn amazing. Marissa von Bleicken and Lindsay Pearce, and Cameron Mitchell and Damian McGinty. They are very good singers especially Cameron. I want his singing voice to be mine! LOL.

Going back, their third episode was about Vulnerability. Singing Mad World by Gary Jules, they all stripped down their over-the-top voices and went low while hanging in them are signs with their vulnerable words in them.  To name a few, Marissa used the word anorexic, Lindsay used the word fake, Cameron used the word misunderstood, and Damian used the word numb.

I was like engrossed so much with the music video that I came to realize my vulnerability as well. While watching these people break into tears while confessing these things, little drops of water also flow down from my eyes. I can relate. I also have mine. I am always this guy who us always left behind in any way. I am always this guy who's alone, who is left out, who has no friends, who is numb in relationships, who is misunderstood by many to be happy but really not, or fake (I'm not anorexic, tell you.). I am this I-always-want-company-but-I-simply-cannot-find-them-because-they-cannot-understand-me kind of guy so in the end, I feel alone. The word I'm going to write is INTROVERT. Yes, I am an introvert. I would just be alone and spend my time with Music than to be with persons who does not need my time much. I am an outward person, but, I feel more at home when I am at home with my self. Yes, I am an Introvert. That's my vulnerable word. That would be my greatest problem when I grow up. Who will I be with? Who will I hang out with? I'll just leave it all to God and myself. We will figure out a way.

Intricacies

Today was a very magical day. It was the first time I entered into that Church and I was like wonderstruck. The intricate designs, the cross-shaped structure, the big dome, everything was very magical to my eyes. It was beautiful! No words could ever describe that Church we went. Well, the Church is found at a town which usually takes a 2-hour ride from where we live. We're from the same province, though. But still, I'm wonderstrucked. The painting were all beautifully designed. They were intricately painted. Wait, did I say intricate again? LOL. Never mind. I only have one random thought. St. Lucy, their patron saint, is a known martyr for getting her eyes off. However, among all the images of her which I saw, she was holding a plate with her two eyes (accepted) but she has another pair of eyes in her. Whoa. Is this blasphemy?  I guess not. Does that mean St. Lucy has four eyes? God, I'm sorry for this statement. Just stating the obvious. But still, I had a very good stay in that House of God. We celebrated Mass there celebrated by a foreign priest. It was actually my first time to attend mass with a foreign priest. His homily was very good! I actually listened all through out. How I wish that he is like some of our local priests. He goes straight to the point in explaining the Gospel. It's very good!

After that, a very sumptuous lunch was served wherein, honestly, I ate a lot! It was very delicious, and I have to thank the nuns for preparing those.

Overall, it was such a marvelous day. Thanks all to God!

Reasons

People tend to give endless reasons. We tend to give reasons to the point that they are already obvious fakes, impossible, awkward, or whatever adjective you can tell. People give reasons for various reasons. Maybe we did something wrong, made a wrong decision, or probably we forget something, or we are just lazy to do it so we give reasons.

Reasons delay a job, like if you're working for a deadline, but when someone does not do her job and just makes a reason so that she might be safe like for example, she's on duty, or the other people are not contacting her. You call that excused? Probably. But here's the catch. You see her at school hanging out with her friends. You receive her text messages telling that she's roaming a school with her boy friend. You chat with her best friend saying that they are both watching a show. Is she excused? Nope. Not at all. Hypothetical conclusion to that, she's plain lazy to do it and just plain stupid to act like it's just nothing important. But, don't mind it. After all, those reasons might jeopardize her in the future.

Reasons bring burden to other people's lives, because reasons only focus to own desires. He leaves a group of strangers in a hall while he's there on another group, practicing his songs -- for his group. Hello?! He is the head of the group and he'll leave them like that? He might reason out, he's busy doing this and that, but he's still the head, and he might start leading them first before focusing on his own things. He was given that task anyway, so he must prove that he got what it takes.

Reasons kill one's reputation and integrity. He gives an impossible reason for being caught having kodigos (a kodigo is something [eg, paper] where the answers are found. This is where keywords are found and are pretty used by cheaters.). He says that he wrote those just after the test papers were given, but, seeing the kodigo, we can already see many things written in there. How improbable was that reason? Now, he must face the consequences of cheating. He's got good intentions -- to be the best in class. But the means of doing that is just plain wrong, and the reasons for doing those, let's ask him.

I don't mean to hurt people here. My reason is that, I just want to tell the whole world the wrong side of reasons. Let this be constructive criticisms to those I openly attacked here. No harm done. But let these serve as challenge to, at least, improve your reasons for the future. Or maybe, just do their jobs correctly, or even better -- tell the true reason behind it. Or even better, do the right thing. It will be for your own good after all if you do this. No more bushing around.

There are also good things about reasons – if we give the true reasons.

Reasons like when we broke something, like for example, a glass. At first we might deny we did it. But, after a while, we may tell the truth and tell the reason why we broke it. We may say, “I did it accidentally because I was cleaning the house. I suddenly broke it.” Or we might say, “I broke it because I was so furious. I was not able to control my anger.” At least, we told the truth, didn’t we?

Or we give reasons when in class. Like when the teacher says, “Why are we not flying?” We proudly say, “because of the gravity of the Earth.” That’s good reasoning there!

In the end, Reasons has two faces, the good one and the bad one. Still, it’s up to us to give reasons behind something. As an adage goes, “there’s a reason for everything.” There’s a reason why you’re here. There’s a reason why the sky is blue. There’s a reason behind this and that. The only thing left is to tell the real reason or not, or just use reasons to make alibis.

Let me conclude this post with a song by Rico Blanco entitled Antukin (literal translation: Sleepy. LOL):

"Kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto parating merong paraan."

(If you don't like, there's always a reason. If you like, there's always a way)

Sila Na. (Filipino Translation.)

Tanggapin natin. Madami akong pagkukulang. Madalas akong naiinggit sa mga bagay na wala sa akin. Upang ito'y malutas, papasok na lang ako sa aking pribadong eroplano at lumipad papalayo sa planetang ito.

Sila na!

Sila na ang pogi. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang palakaibigan. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang madaming pera. Ako na ang wala.
Sila na ang mahilig sa isports. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang may mataas at mababang boses. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang magaling magsulat. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang matangkad. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang payat. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang may syota. Ako na ang wala.
Sila na ang nakabibili ng kahit anong gusto nila. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang makagagawa ng kung anong gusto nila. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang may malawak na imahinasyon. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang makapupunta kung saan nila gusto. Ako na ang hindi.
Sila na ang may makinis na mukha. Ako na ang wala.

Sila na ang perpekto. Ako na ang hindi.

Ngunit sa likod ng mga pagkukulang na ito ay isang sipi mula sa isang tao. Minsang niyang nasabi na tinitignan natin ang ating pagkukulang dahil kinukumpara natin ang ating mga sarili sa ibang tao. Halata naman iyon. Subalit ako'y naniniwala na ako ay nasa tamang landas at isinilang akong ganito, madami paring pagkukulang na bago araw-araw.

Ngunit ako ay nagpapasalamat sa Panginoon sa mga bagay na meron ako na wala sa iba. Hindi ako makasarili. Yan ang paraan kung paano hinati ng Panginoon ang Kanyang mga biyaya.

___________

Yeah. This is the first Filipino post. It's actually just a translation from the past post. I believe that translating it in Filipino would make the statements more emphatic than in English. Well, so much for a start. :D

They Already.

Let's face it. I have many insecurities in life. I often get envy about things people have that I don't really have. In order to solve this, I would just sneak into my private jet and fly away from this planet.

They Already!

They are handsome. I am not.
They are sociable. I am not.
They have money. I don't have.
They play a lot of sports. I do not.
They sing quite high and low. I do not.
They write very good. I do not.
They are tall. I am not.
They are slim. I am not.
They have girlfriends. I don't have.
They can buy whatever they want. I cannot.
They just sit back and do pretty much whatever they want. I cannot.
They have a wide array of ideas. I don't have.
They can go wherever they want. I cannot.
They have clean faces. I don't have.

They are perfect. I am not.

However, behind these insecurities is a quotation from a person. She once said that people are insecure because they compare themselves to others. That is an obvious one. Though I believe that I'm on the right track and I was born this way, there are still insecurities arising everyday.

But, I would thank God that I have some things that others do not have. That's not being selfish. That's how God divided His blessings.

Dear God

I am still swelling. I still don't know what to do God. Each day when I wake up, I wished that I returned to October 5, 2011. That was day before all of it happened. I lost focus. I lost mind-set. I lost my notes. That's why I got those. But, it was not entirely my fault God. I do blame myself, but not 100%. I don't want to speak more for this is a public site but God, You know my thoughts. Please enlighten each of our minds so that we can make things right. Please help us discern to the right path to go, and the right thing to give. And this might sound very surreal and impossible. But, please God. Please rewind the time, so that I could make things right again. May they give me the ting that I'm hoping. I don't have a face to show anymore God if this does not happen. I might disappear like an extinct species. God. Please. I love You.

I can barely breathe right now. My emotions are flowing intensely. And my chest is heavy. I smile but I'm thinking of that thing that might destroy me for good. In You alone God, my hope is found. :D

Dear God

I am so nervous.


I don't know what to say, or what to do. I am still depressed on the score I got. I know I reviewed well, but still, I got the rating. I know it's the exams so I expect that it will also be reflected on my final grade. God, please, if you could give me a miracle. I badly need it. I really really need that miracle. I know it sounds absurd, but please, give me a miracle.

You know that I love you so much. This is only one of my greatest plea to You God. I am crying inside my heart. Please God.

I love You.

Thank You.

Dear God

Another segment. :D


These posts will be my personal words to God. He hears me all the time. I may write informally because God understands us whatever we may say. I prefer spontaneous ones.

My first post is today or tomorrow.

Battery Life

I’m losing battery life.

You know the reason why? I’ll answer metaphorically.

AGAIN.

I have been charging for about a long time already. I’m connected to the switch. I am taking energy with me so that I can use it when I’m not charged already. Suddenly, negatively charged ions start entering into me. They are giving me putting too much that it’s already hard for me to handle. They are giving me tests which they didn’t even share to me. Now, I am a poor battery, losing life. It’s hard to blame myself because I did the best I can to refute these negatively charged ions but they are just too strong that they are hard to resist. Now, I’m an easily drained battery already. If before, my life span is 95 hours. Now, it’s 81 minutes already. Now this is a problem without any solution. But if the Creator would remove manually the negatively ions and keep me above, then, that would make me change forever. If I will return to even 90 hours of battery life or even just 89 hours, I would surely thank my Creator. But, I just don’t know now.

Another reason why I’m losing battery life is this. I am partnered with another 3A battery. We work together so that this remote control will run smoothly until the end. However, as I observe, it’s only me who’s exerting much effort while the other battery is not. He’s dormant. Now, I don’t know. I’m already exhausted. If he wakes up and starts giving energy and asks me if we could help, I’ll sleep. Karma is that term.

Now for the literal part.

I’m losing battery life. My laptop. It’s losing battery life. When it was new, the battery span was like 7-8 hours long. Now, it’s only 3-4 hours. I don’t know what’s happening. It’s bugging me. It’s making me weak. It’s making me lose battery life. I did the advices of others but, I guess, it’s no use. If only I did not use this as a game boy before. If only I knew of the way to conserve battery life before. Then, at least, I will have 7-8 hours more until now.

I’m just an old generic rechargeable battery. I may be thrown away. But this is for sure, if the Creator plans to keep me, I will gladly do it. I love my Creator.

Partly Introvert

I never really liked joining school activities.


They are just time-wasting and money-wasting. I just prefer staying at home jamming to myself. I would rather sleep than roaming around the campus. That's why, as much as possible, I would avoid these activities. However, these activities are running after me. I just don't know why. Call me freak. I'll call you freaker. LOL

You may say that I'm an introvert. Well, I partly am.

A Simple Act of Kindness

We just made a child smile today.

It was 12:30 PM and we hurriedly went out of the star-studded hall. Our stomachs were grumbling so there there was only one thing in our hungry minds: FOOD. We went to a food stall and ate there.

Today is actually the World's Teachers Day with the theme, "My Teacher, My Hero." It was partly my day because I'm a teacher-to-be; a hero-to-be. 

So, there we were, eating our food, craving for every amount of food available. As we were eating, a poor girl approached us. Her dress was ragged, she was dirty, she was hungry. She begged for alms. She was holding a bottle and she continuously patted it on our table. My companions smiled and patted with her. I also patted with her. We all laughed, but she remained blank. Pitied, I gave her one peso and she instantly left. 

One of my companions was pitied that she invited the little girl to eat with us. I know it sounds downgrading but we gave to her our leftovers -- the food we haven't finished. Well, it doesn't sound that gross yet because I also eat some of my companions' food once they don't eat those already -- as long as they are clean. So, we combined all our food together and she ate it joyfully. We waited for her to finish all of the food we gave her. We even gave her a bottle of water to drink. It was too late for us to realize that she was also giving her brother food. 

It felt heaven to do something like that to her. I felt happy for her being able to eat food we gave to her. Some unexplainable feelings keep popping inside my heart. It was a simple thing that we did, but it became very big for her. Argh. We became simple heroes on this day of the World's Teachers Day -- after all, we're all future teachers. We became a hero by just feeding her. All Smiles! :D

We hear her say, "Thank you," with a smile as we left her there.

#thatawkwardmoment when I'm turning 18. (part 2)

This was the saddest birthday of my life.  Ohh wait, it was not like my birthday.

It was the worst birthday I've ever had. All day, my heart was depressed. Poor heart of mine. I want to cry with it but I simply can't. There are plenty reasons why he bothered to be depressed like that. There are so many stress, so many moments, so many people trying to destroy my day. I was not even given a birthday treatment. No gift, no treats, no blowouts, no money. How could I even celebrate a birthday without any of these?

I'm overreacting just because of this. Sad 18. I started my year weak. How much more for the coming years to come? I don't know. It's killing me.

Hoping that today's wound will be healed tomorrow.

#thatawkwardmoment when I'm turning 18.

Just a few more hours, then I'll be older than myself now.


Did I become better after all times? Did I become worse? Did I grow up to be a better man, or did I stay the same? Did I give myself what I deserve, or did I stay feeble. Did I experience love, or did I prove myself to be forever alone? I can't answer these questions. I don't really know the answers. All I can say is that, I grew up to be me, just the way I am.

I'll not be a minor anymore. I'll carry on more responsibilities and more burdens as I pave my way. Argh. I'll just let myself be flown away y the river and floated away by the wind to anywhere I will go, guided by God.

#thatawkwardmoment when that awkward guy turns 18. LOL

Love Is...

pretty expensive.

It has been my observation that love is pretty expensive. I refer love here as the mutual relationship between two persons. It's expensive especially if you're the guy. Why? (As per observation. LOL)

If you're the guy, you would spend money in courting the girl. You need to buy her some chocolates, and flowers and everything until she finally falls in love with you.

If you're the guy, you would spend money during monthsaries and anniversaries because as a gentleman, you should treat your girlfriend with gifts or treat her in a restaurant or something. Your girlfriend might not be satisfied without giving her anything. And what will she give you back? I don't know. I've never tried it.

If you're the guy, you would spend money by loading. Of course the girl would want to talk to you always and when you're not together, she likes for you to text her because if you don't she might get mad for not texting her, and might get mad because she thinks you are busy texting with another girl. Rude girls.

If you're the guy, you would spend money when on a date. Of course, the girl expects you to treat her because, you're the guy.

If you're the guy, you would spend money in dowry -- in some cases per se. You would pay an amount of money to get the girl you wanted all along.

When will be the time when girls do the same, and the guys will do what the girls are doing now. Maybe this world will be a better place. :D I can't give a tip, I never been in too love in the first place.

Love Is...

I'll be starting a segment here, and it's entitled Love is...


Nothing serious though. I'll just write what I see about Love. I'll write about what I know about Love. I'll write about what I need to know about Love. It's blurry from a distance but when I get closer to it, I know Love is...

So, you wanna know what love is? [in my point of view though.]

The first post starts tonight or tomorrow.