It's been about two years since I first called myself a Collegian. Though those carefree moments of my high school days still gallop in my mind, it's rather difficult to swallow that I will never experience them anymore. They will just be some fragments of my awesome memory. And with these memories in hand, I would proudly say, it's better to be a high schooler than a collegian.
College. Why are you so hard to understand?
When I was in high school, I always thought that life was difficult and I so wanted to graduate already, grab my backpack and be a grown up man. But I was wrong. Considering the course I took up and the major field of specialization I was put, I pretty much want to return to high school, and these words are coming from a mere sophomore.
Why did these words come from me?
I have a hard time accepting my course. It's not that I'm losing interest or anything because I am not. It's just, I cannot imagine myself teaching in front of some high school sophomores. I have tried teaching and it's hard, trying to control the class, holding their attention, and instructing them actively. I can deal with that though. Experience is the best teacher, they say. What I'm nervous about is when I really start teaching. I'm not a talkative guy. I am poor in explaining things. It's like all things, from the best to the worst, are ineffable. While others can explain a phrase with a 3-9 sentence range, I can only come up with two sentences to explain them. While it is true that direct to the point is better, what if I teach the lessons direct to the point? Will they ever understand? Will the one hour slot be consumed?
Another thing. I do not know where I will be teaching. At first, I want to retire at my school, because I find it safe here. But many would defy that idea and claim that no one gets rich when teaching in a private institution. As a matter of fact, no one gets rich by teaching -- except going abroad or corrupting the money of the children. I want to be in a private school where I find security, I find comfort, and I find sustainability. But all I know, my parents would oppose it. They wanted me to take up law, or go abroad, and build a big mansion for them. I can't. I'll only be a damn teacher. And I don't need all the riches in the world.
What I'm really losing interest at is my major field of specialization. When I was young, I always wanted to be a scientist. I always have these reveries of mixing chemicals and using the microscopes. I also had this strange thing when we had our class paper for a project. The plot of the story is the class 10-15 years from now. It's strange that my occupation there is a Biology teacher teaching Genetics. Waaaaaaaaah. Why? What happened to this world?
Why am I losing interest?
I do not know how to draw, and this course requires a lot of drawing. I am afraid of frogs, and I would lead dissections when I would be a teacher. I hate memorizations, and there are lots of memorizations in this course. We have the least free time. We have the most number of requirements. Constant review is needed. I mean, why? Next semester, I would shed blood literally. I have four major subjects in my field. Plus the additional major subjects for my course. One does not simply finish Biology without crying at night wondering if he could finish the course.
Right now, I'm still lost. My path is still blurry and up to now, I haven't decided yet on my real interest. Maybe, just maybe, I would find my dream job someday -- the one I am interested at. I'm a sophomore, but I'm still on the search for the right course. And yes, if I could go back to being a child again, I would happily would, but please, no growing up already. I hate growing up. More stress, more requirements, more Science!
Indeed. These are musings of a random Sophomore.
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